A Guide to Talk Romance Like a Generation Z: 51 Hyperspecific Terms for Romance, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {