Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Television's leading entertainers spent the airtime ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins each thing he touches."

The focus was the controversial plan which permits overseas nationals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, or "premium" tier for $5 million. A government portal promises approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to rich applicants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.