My Companion Constantly Focuses On Her Own Life: Should I End the Friendship?

I have been close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered many hardships, and I respect her for that. However, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her spouse walked away, which came as a massive blow. Many of her friends vanished during that time, because they seemed only interested in him. It shocked her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, likely grasped more clearly the meaning of companionship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, several of her friends vanished without her being sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my role between us is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she holds strong opinions. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a holiday abroad I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. My intention was to share insights, yet it was met with resistance. She really solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I recently come back from four weeks in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she can understand the impact of her actions on my confidence. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, but it is rarely the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for a solution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Step three is to ask how you are both going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider she too has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

Final Thoughts

This person might reject everything, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a story of their life they cannot release as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have peace from having been honest with her.